The death of a relative is always a disaster and pain. Therefore, relatives, as a rule, think last about the rules for holding ceremonies. There was a custom among the people that is still alive today. When grief occurs in a family, neighbors, acquaintances, distant and close relatives come. Some of them take the “reins of power” into their own hands. Typically, these are older women who are experts in rituals and traditions.

Traditional dishes for funerals

Funerals are an ancient tradition. It lies in the fact that the people helping with the burial must be fed. That is, the point is not in the feast, but in the food. People who are not familiar with the traditions try to make a real feast out of the wake. They prepare pickles and strive to make the menu varied and “expensive.” This is wrong.

The point is to feed people simply and nutritiously. The wake is a dinner. It should consist of three courses. Something like this:

• first (usually borscht);
• second course;
• compote with a bun or pie.

No excesses in the form of cuts and snacks should be placed on the table. Firstly, people are not supposed to linger at the feast. Secondly, this is not a holiday. Extra “gatherings” are disrespectful to the memory of the deceased.

Approximate funeral menu

First option:

• borsch,
• mashed potatoes with cutlet,
• Uzvar and pie.

It is necessary to calculate in portions. Naturally, if a funeral dinner is being held at home, then you need to prepare it “in reserve.” After all, people you didn’t expect may come to the funeral. It will be inconvenient to kick them out immediately after burial.

Second option:

• meatball soup,
• boiled rice, battered fish,
• compote and bun.

Third option:

• noodle soup,
• buckwheat porridge, fried chicken,
• jelly and cookies.

Kutya must be placed on the table. This dish is not discussed or changed. Whatever you cook, kutia must be on the menu. It has a more spiritual meaning than a physical one.

The main dish is kutia

Kutia is a sweet grain porridge. Each region prepares it differently. Some cook from rice, some from wheat. You just need to be able to cook the grain so that people can eat it. Therefore, here is a recipe for kutya made from rice. This portion is enough for forty people.

Universal recipe for funeral kutia

Cook half a kilo of rice until tender. When it cools down, add two hundred grams of dried apricots, raisins, and one hundred grams of honey. You can also add crushed nuts, candied fruits, and other fruits. This is at the chef's discretion. This dish is placed on the table in bowls or salad bowls. Those who came to the wake should take a spoonful and eat it before starting the main meal.

Please note that nowadays not everyone is aware of this tradition. It is advisable to simply tell people what needs to be done (or show by example). In addition, it is customary to wear kutya to the Temple for a memorial service. The priest blesses her before the memorial ceremony.

How are funerals held?

This feast traditionally ends the funeral ceremony. That is, people who come from the graveyard are invited to the table. Everyone must wash their hands before entering the premises. To do this, place a washbasin or a bucket of water and a towel outside. It is considered bad luck to enter any premises with unwashed hands after a cemetery. This must be taken into account.

One seat at the table must be left unoccupied. It is prepared “for the deceased.” Close people sit nearby. The feast begins with the reading of the “Our Father” prayer. Usually this is done by one of the older family members. Sometimes everyone reads Psalm 90 together. But this is not necessary.

The hosts invite all participants in the funeral ceremony to the table with the words:

“Please share our grief.”

It is not customary to talk loudly at the table, much less swear, use foul language or laugh. By the way, sharp objects are also not used. Regardless of the menu, only spoons are served at the table (forks are not used). The feast should not last long. Everyone who ate gets up and leaves, after expressing condolences to their family and friends.

Alcohol should be mentioned separately. The clergy do not recommend putting it on the table at all. But many people are sure that in this way they are violating folk traditions. Therefore, in each individual case, people decide for themselves what to do. If the owners believe that alcohol is necessary during the wake, then they buy vodka and red wine. Usually, "Cahors". This drink is considered “church”.

Guests are poured into glasses no more than three times.

Drinking during the wake is strictly prohibited. That is, it is necessary to ensure that no one drinks too much. Please note that everyone is welcome to attend the first wake. Among them there may be completely random people, hunters for “free booze”. You should keep an eye on the mini.

Meals for 9 days, 40 days, six months, a year

These dates are traditionally considered “family” dates. It is not customary to come to these funerals without an invitation or warning. The hosts usually know how many people are expected for dinner. On this day, the menu can be slightly diversified, as the tone of the feast changes. It is not held for the purpose of feeding, but to sit and remember the deceased.

But this does not mean that a banquet should be held. You can add a couple of appetizers or salads and cold cuts to your regular lunch. Alcohol should be handled in the same way as during the first funeral dinner. You should not turn a mournful meal into a cheerful feast. Approaching the table, you need to read the “Our Father”, then everyone sits down and has a leisurely conversation, remembering only the good things from the life of the deceased.

The more time passes after the funeral, the fewer people come to the wake. That's life. Everyone has their own business. Therefore, a memorial dinner is not a strict tradition for six months or a year. At this time, only the closest ones gather. It is customary to treat everyone else with sweets. Most often, people buy candies and cookies. They are distributed to children, employees at work, neighbors or just strangers.

No matter how sad it is, sooner or later we are faced with the death of loved ones. And this tragic moment would be good to know for 40 days at the wake, what the procedure is. Why is it important to commemorate on the forties?

Without delving too deeply into church details, we can simply say that forty days after death, the soul appears before the Almighty to “find out” where it will go to heaven or hell. And as a weighty argument in favor of the soul, how a person and his lifetime deeds are remembered by his family and friends.

Since the most important thing for the soul of the deceased is not the feast, but prayers, that is why on the fortieth day after the death of a person, visiting church is mandatory. There, close relatives in the church write a note asking them to pray for repose.

Important! The church orders a liturgy for the repose of only that person who was an Orthodox Christian, and a baptized one.

On the fortieth day, relatives, while in church, should pray for the forgiveness of all the sins of the deceased. In addition, they light candles for the repose. When leaving the church, it is advisable to give alms.

Visit to the cemetery

Even on the fortieth day after the death of a loved one, you must visit the place of his burial. At the cemetery, it is customary to light a candle or lamp and pray. It is advisable that those closest to you be at the cemetery on this day, so that there is no noise or loud conversations. You should not take alcohol and snacks with you to remember the deceased.

Funeral dinner

A funeral meal or wake for 40 days, the procedure for carrying out is not particularly complex. The main thing is that everyone who wants to say goodbye to the deceased is invited. Usually these are close relatives, friends, good acquaintances and colleagues of the deceased.

At one time, no one was invited to the funeral; people themselves came to honor the memory and pay their respects to the relatives of the deceased. Then they set several tables so that no one would go hungry. Now the time is a little different and it is not customary to come to the table without an invitation.

What is served on the table

A memorial dinner on the fortieth day does not have to be luxurious. It is not customary to fill the table with delicacies. Dishes should be served simple, not fancy. At the same time, hot dishes are required. The Church does not welcome alcoholic drinks at a funeral dinner. However, these days, fortieth celebrations are rarely complete without this. In this case, you should avoid sparkling wines. It is customary to serve vodka, cognac and red wine. But there should not be an excess of alcohol at the funeral table, so that the wake does not end with songs, and even more so, dancing.

Kutya or eve must be present on the table. This is a whole grain dish with raisins, honey and nuts. It is customary to serve borscht, cabbage soup, beetroot soup, chicken broth with noodles - the choice of dish depends on the locality. The funeral table usually includes porridge, meat and fish dishes. And also various snacks.

Important! It is believed that the number of dishes on the funeral table on the fortieth day after death should be even.
Before starting your meal, be sure to read the “Our Father” prayer. Then those present should remember the good deeds of the deceased. It talks about the positive role he played in someone's life. You cannot gossip and remember things that are displeasing to God.

It’s good if there is a “host” of the funeral dinner. This could be an invited outsider or one of the guests. Such a person is needed so that conversations do not go in unnecessary directions, and also to dispel sadness a little at the right time. Since it is customary to make speeches on 40th birthdays, the closest relatives make them first, and then everyone else.

There are also customs associated with setting the table for a funeral dinner. For example, they do not serve forks and knives - everyone eats with spoons, leaving an empty plate with cutlery for the deceased. In addition, the table for such a meal is not covered with a “cheerful” tablecloth, that is, it should be plain.

Fortieth day

Many people are interested in the question: it is mandatory to hold a wake every day for 40 days after death, or it can be later. It is not advisable to celebrate the fortieth day earlier, as this is associated with the day when the soul will stand before the Judgment of God. Later, 40 days are celebrated if the commemoration falls on the Week, that is, the week preceding Easter or directly on Easter.

In this case, the commemoration is postponed to. Believers who fast postpone their funeral services to Saturday, Sunday and days when they are allowed to eat fish. In this case, there will be no meat dishes on the table.

And in conclusion:

• What you can’t do until 40 days after the death of a relative is cry, moan and do everything you can to care for the deceased. It is believed that the soul will not find peace if it sees such suffering of its relatives.
• On the 40th anniversary the deceased is always remembered. Of course, the meal is important, but we must not forget about prayer. Moreover, for 40 days after death, relatives must pray for the deceased daily.
• When visiting a cemetery, food is not left at the grave for the deceased. It's better to give it to those in need.

Everyone would like to not know for as long as possible about what a 40-day commemoration is and about the procedure for carrying it out. But, unfortunately, no one is eternal. If you have doubts about the correctness of your actions in times of grief, it is better to turn to the church for advice.

After death, a person is commemorated on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day, and the last date is considered the most important, since the soul enters the Judgment and its further destiny is decided. There are many traditions associated with this day that people observe to help the deceased person on this important day.

What does 40 days after death mean?

The fortieth day of commemoration of a deceased person is considered a certain line that separates earthly and eternal life. From a religious point of view, it is a more tragic date compared to physical death. 40 days after the funeral is a date that reminds people that the soul, after the end of earthly life, goes to its Heavenly Father. The funeral can be considered a kind of act of mercy.

Where is the soul of the deceased until 40 days?

Many people note that at first they feel the presence of a deceased person, which is manifested by smell, sighs, steps, and so on. This is due to the fact that for forty days the spirit does not leave the place where it lived.

1. For the first three days the soul is free and it remembers its entire earthly life. It is believed that during this time she is in places that are close. On the third day after death, a memorial service must be held.
2. After this there will be a meeting with God, the saints and a visit to heaven. From this moment, the first torment and fears begin that due to mistakes made, the entrance to heaven may be closed. All this lasts for six days, so on the ninth day a memorial service and wake are held.
3. At the next stage, ordeals begin, which represent trials and obstacles. The soul will not receive a decision whether it can spend eternal life in Heaven or Hell. During this period, a comparison of positive and negative actions occurs.
4. Finding out what happens on the 40th day, it is worth mentioning the onset of the most important stage - the Last Judgment, where the soul can no longer influence anything and only the life of the deceased is taken into account.

How to pray for the deceased for up to 40 days?

Remembering dead people is the duty of every believer. According to the church, you need to pray especially diligently during the first forty days after death. A prayer for 40 days to see off the soul can be said in church or at home. If a person chooses the second option, then it is recommended that women tie a scarf on their heads and light candles in front of the image of the Lord. When figuring out the rules of 40 days after death and how to remember, it is worth noting that prayer during this period helps to gain faith in the soul and more easily cope with the loss of a loved one.

“Son of God, Lord Jesus Christ. Satisfy my heart's sorrow for the deceased slave (name of the deceased). Help me cope with this difficult loss, and give me strength to withstand the grief. And on the fortieth tribulation day, accept the soul of the deceased (name of the deceased) into the Kingdom of Heaven. And it will be so now, forever, forever and ever. Amen".

Is it possible to remember 40 days earlier?

Life is unpredictable and there is often no way to accomplish what you planned. The clergy say that if it is not possible to remember the deceased on the 40th day, it is not a tragedy or a sin, since this can be done in advance or even later. It is prohibited to reschedule commemoration at liturgy, memorial service and cemetery. Many people are still interested in how to count 40 days from the date of death, so the first day is the day of death itself, even if the death occurred late in the evening before midnight.

What is prepared for 40 days after death?

On this day, a memorial dinner is always held, the purpose of which is to remember the deceased and pray for his repose. It is important to remember that food is not the main thing, so there is no need to try to prepare a luxurious menu with a lot of delicacies. A funeral dinner for 40 days, the menu of which should take into account the rules of Christianity, implies adherence to several important principles:

1. On the table there should be kutia, which is made from millet or rice, and pancakes without filling. Each of these dishes has its own important sacred meaning, which helps to appreciate the frailty of existence.
2. For those who are interested in the topic - 40 days after death, how to remember, you need to know about the ancient tradition of baking pies with different fillings.
3. If the forties did not fall during Lent, then meat dishes are not prohibited, so you can serve cutlets, cabbage rolls, goulash as a side dish, and so on.
4. Various dishes are allowed, and these can be first and second courses.
5. You can put salads on the table that include lean ingredients in the recipe.
6. Understanding the traditions of 40 days after death and how to remember the deceased, it is worth mentioning that in many families it is customary to follow the tradition of preparing the deceased’s favorite dish for a funeral dinner.
7. As for desserts, it is best to make cheesecakes, pies, cookies, and sweets are also allowed.

What do they take to the cemetery for 40 days?

According to traditions, on memorial days, people go to the cemetery to say goodbye to a loved one. You need to take flowers with you to the grave, of which there should be a pair, and a candle. With these objects, the living can express their respect to the deceased. You cannot talk loudly at the grave, have snacks, and especially drink alcohol. Another important point regarding what is brought to the cemetery for 40 days is that as a treat for the deceased, you can take a plate of kutya from home and leave it at the grave.

What are they giving away for 40 days?

There are many traditions associated with memorial days. On the fortieth day, it is customary to distribute various treats to people so that they remember the deceased. In most cases, they give cookies, sweets and pastries. Customs for 40 days after death say that during the first forty days after death, it is necessary to distribute a person to needy people, asking them to pray for his soul. This tradition is not described in the Bible and is a personal decision for each individual.

Funeral service for 40 days – when to order?

On the fortieth day of commemoration of the deceased, you must definitely go to the temple, where you can pray and order a memorial service and magpie.

1. The most important prayer is said at the liturgy. During this, a bloodless sacrifice must be made to the Lord.
2. Seeing off the soul on the 40th day necessarily includes a memorial service and this ritual is served in front of a special table called the eve. Gifts are left there for the needs of the temple and in memory of the dead. If a memorial service is not scheduled on the day that falls, then a litany is held for the deceased.
3. Understanding the topic - 40 days after death, how to commemorate, it is necessary to say that it is important to order the magpie, which is carried out from the day of death until the 40th day. When the allotted time is over, the sorokoust can be repeated one more time. Longer memorial times can be ordered.

40 days after death - traditions and rituals

A huge number of customs have formed in Rus', many of which have survived to this day. There are various signs that you should not do this until 40 days, but it is worth noting that many of them are fiction and the church does not confirm them. Among the well-known traditions are the following:

1. Since ancient times, for 40 days it is not recommended to carefully monitor your clothes and cut your hair, as this is considered a sign of disrespect for the memory of the deceased.
2. The table for a funeral dinner is set traditionally, but sharp cutlery, that is, knives and forks, is not used. Spoons are usually placed with their backs facing up.
3. Crumbs left on the table cannot be swept off the table and thrown away; they are collected and taken to the grave. This is how the living inform the deceased that a wake was taking place.
4. Many people are interested in the topic of what they bring to the funeral for 40 days, so there are no rules indicating such obligations, but it is not prohibited to take some home-cooked food with you, for example, pies or pancakes.
5. At night, it is customary to close windows and doors tightly, and one should not cry, as this can attract the soul of the deceased.
6. Many people leave a glass filled with vodka and covered with bread on the table or bedside table. If the liquid decreases, it means the soul is drinking it. Many people leave vodka at the grave, but this has nothing to do with Orthodox customs.

Why can’t you chew seeds for up to 40 days?

Over the years, various customs have developed related to the commemoration of dead people, and some of them may seem strange to many. For example, there is a ban regarding the prohibition of chewing seeds for up to 40 days, since this can spit on the soul of a deceased person. There is another explanation for this sign, according to which those who violate this prohibition will have toothache for a long time. The third interpretation of superstition concerns the fact that by clicking seeds you can attract evil spirits and devils.

Why are they giving away spoons for 40 days?

Since ancient times, there has been a custom of distributing wooden spoons with which people ate at funeral dinners. In the modern world, such cutlery is not used, so ordinary spoons are distributed. The sign is explained by the fact that when a person uses such a device, he involuntarily remembers the deceased. There is another strange superstition according to which utensils used for 40 days should not be given away. It is believed that she is a participant in the farewell ritual and if a person takes her home, he will bring misfortune and even death upon himself.

Signs for 40 days after death

There are many different superstitions associated with this date from the day of death, and among them we will highlight the most famous:

1. During this period, it is forbidden to clean the house and turn off the lights (you can leave a night light or candle).
2. It is not allowed to sleep for the allotted period in the place of the deceased.
3. From the moment of death until 40 days, it is necessary to cover all reflective surfaces in the house: mirrors, televisions, and so on. It is believed that a dead person can be reflected in them and take a living person with them.
4. When holding a wake for 40 days after death, it is necessary to allocate a place at the table for the deceased person, placing a plate and a glass for him, putting a piece of bread on top.
5. The widow must wear it on her head for the specified time; if this is not done, then she can incur damage to herself.
6. Every day you need to place a glass of water and a towel on the windowsill. This is important so that the soul can wash itself.

Mandatory tradition on the days of remembrance of the deceased - set the funeral table. Regardless of the number of people gathered to honor the memory of the deceased, certain dishes should be served at the funeral meal.

An obligatory part of the funeral meal is considered kutia - porridge made from millet cereals or rice with the addition of honey and dried fruits. According to religious beliefs, this dish symbolizes the resurrection of the deceased in the next world and, as it were, “sweets” his stay in heaven.

Kutya is served to guests as a first course, observing the following order. First, the dish is brought to the closest relatives of the deceased, then plates of kutia are placed in front of friends, colleagues and acquaintances of the deceased.

Another traditional dish that should be placed on the funeral table is pancakes. Pancakes, like kutia, are not just a food, their appearance on the funeral table is deeply symbolic, they symbolize the rebirth and continuation of life in another world. Pancakes are prepared without filling and served with honey. Also make sure that there is jelly on the table at the wake. Kissel for funeral dinners prepared from time immemorial, and it would be correct to observe this long-standing tradition.

Since we're talking about drinks, let's mention that there is no place for alcohol on a funeral table, especially when there is a strong religious component of the memorial rite. Even light wines would be inappropriate at such a funeral. If relatives nevertheless decide to give those gathered the opportunity remember the deceased “without clinking glasses”, remember the sense of proportion. Excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages at a wake can offend the feelings of those gathered and desecrate the blessed memory of the deceased.

Funeral meal: what else to cook

In addition to kutya, pancakes and jelly, on Memorial Day you can cook soups, salads, meat dishes (cutlets, roasts), fish, potatoes, and bake pies. All dishes are prepared traditionally according to simple recipes, in a simple way, without frills and frills. So, on the funeral table you can put vinaigrette, herring under a fur coat, sauerkraut, cucumber and tomato salad. It is best to bake pies with different fillings: for example, with rice and fish, cabbage and eggs, mushrooms; sweet pies with berries and dried fruits would also be appropriate.

It is not so important what size the funeral table will be: large, for several dozen guests, or set only for close relatives. It's more significant design - modest, without pomp and pretentiousness. Make sure that the dishes, tablecloths and interior of the dining room (if the funeral is held in a cafe or restaurant) are dominated by calm, muted tones. During the meal, do not rush the guests and do not rush yourself; let the funeral dinner last as long as those gathered wish. But still, an event dedicated to the memory of a deceased person should not develop into midnight gatherings.

Lenten commemoration

Let's talk separately about the wakes that take place for the days of Lent. At such times, it is customary to cover funeral tables exclusively with Lenten dishes, regardless of whether the invited people observe the fast or not. This means that dishes made from meat, eggs, milk and other animal products are completely excluded. Despite the presence of restrictions, the funeral table, however, can be covered with varied, tasty and satisfying dishes.

Recipes for Lenten dishes for funerals

Anyone can prepare simple dishes for a funeral table, regardless of culinary abilities or religiosity. The main thing is to do it with good thoughts and bright memories about a departed person.

Rice kutia with dried fruits

Cereals and dried fruits should first be rinsed and soaked in water for a while. Then the rice should be put on low heat and cooked, stirring, for about 20 minutes. After this, drain the remaining water and rinse the rice. You can add dried fruits, honey and poppy seeds cut into pieces (optional) to the finished porridge. The same preparation procedure should be followed if kutia made from wheat cereals is served at the funeral table.

Lenten pancakes and pies

The recipe should not contain milk or eggs, which means the dough is made from flour, yeast, sugar and salt. All this should be diluted with warm water, add a little vegetable oil and leave for a while until the dough is ready. Dough for Lenten pies You can prepare it using the same principle, choosing any vegetables, berries or dried fruits for the filling.

Kissel for the wake

First you need to bring the water to a boil and, stirring, add starch and sugar diluted in cool water. When the jelly thickens, add fruit or berry syrup. Before placing on the table, the jelly is cooled.

According to tradition, funeral dishes are blessed in the temple. If this is not possible, you can put glasses of blessed water on the table. After the funeral meal has concluded, make sure that guests do not leave empty-handed. The remaining dishes can be distributed to neighbors or treated to colleagues at work, asking them to remember someone close to you.

After the funeral, members of the family of the deceased usually gather close relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, friends of the deceased for the wake, to which they tried not to come without an invitation, because, due to the natural delicacy of the people, they took into account that the family could be short of money due to sudden material expenses , as well as the family's decision to gather only a narrow circle of people.
In some areas it was not customary to invite people to funerals, and anyone who knew the deceased closely through life and work together could come to them. Such a visit signified respect for the deceased and his family. The clergy were formally invited to the commemoration, in fact trying not to participate in it.
When arriving at the house from the cemetery, they always washed their hands and dried them with a towel. They also “cleansed themselves” by touching the stove and bread with their hands; they used to even specially heat a bathhouse and wash in it, and change their clothes. There was a custom for those who kissed the deceased on the lips - they had to rub their lips on certain points of the stove (near the choke). This custom among the Slavs is obviously connected with ideas about the cleansing power of fire and is aimed at protecting oneself from the deceased.
During the time the deceased was taken to the cemetery and buried in the house, preparations for the meal were completed. They tried to clean the house before the deceased was lowered into the grave, although it was difficult to guess the timing. They arranged the furniture, washed the floors, swept away all the garbage that had accumulated over three days from the large corner to the threshold, collected it and burned it. The floors needed to be washed thoroughly, especially the corner, handles, and threshold. After cleaning, the room was fumigated with incense or juniper smoke.

The funeral meal in the Orthodox tradition is interpreted as a continuation of the service by eating food, therefore, certain rules and traditions are followed in the funeral ritual.
A funeral service is a kind of Christian almsgiving for those gathered, as interpreted in the Holy Scriptures. Funeral feasts also existed in ancient times, when pagans ate food at the graves of their dead fellow tribesmen. This tradition became part of Christian rituals, and ancient Christian funeral meals were transformed in later times into modern commemorations.
Funeral dinners are traditionally held three times, which supposedly coincides with a threefold change in the body of the deceased (on the third day the image changes, on the ninth the body disintegrates, on the fortieth the heart decays). The threefold commemoration also coincides with beliefs about the journey of the soul to the next world.
The deceased is also commemorated on other days (six months, a year, birthday, day of the Angel of the deceased). There are also so-called calendar commemorations associated with certain holidays that accompany the economic and everyday life of peasants, and which are included in church rituals.

In an effort to bury the deceased according to folk rituals and in accordance with church rules, relatives and friends of the deceased often formally follow the performance of ritual actions, without going into their meaning.
According to the church, the establishment of the symbolism of commemorating the dead on the third day after death is that the deceased was baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, believed in the Triune God - the Trinity Consubstantial and Indivisible. The living in their prayers beg the Holy Trinity to forgive the deceased for his sins committed in word, deed and thought, and to credit him with three virtues: faith, hope and love.
The unknown regarding the afterlife state of the soul is also important for Orthodox Christians. When Saint Macarius of Alexandria, as written in the Holy Scriptures, asked the Angel accompanying him in the desert to explain the meaning of the church commemoration on the third day, the Angel replied that for two days the soul, with the angels who are with it, is allowed to walk on the earth, where she wants, so the loving soul wanders around the house in which the body is located, like a bird looking for a nest. A virtuous soul walks where it has done justice. On the third day, in imitation of Christ, the soul ascends to heaven to worship God.

On the way to the throne of God, the soul undergoes tests of spirits in its earthly affairs. These tests are called “ordeals” and usually begin on the third day after death. The entire space (according to Christian mythology) represents several judgment seats, where the incoming soul is convicted by demons of sins. Each judgment (ordeal) corresponds to a specific sin; evil spirits are called tax collectors. A total of twenty ordeals are indicated, corresponding to a certain group of sins depending on the degree of severity (for example, sin of words, lies, condemnation and slander, gluttony, laziness, theft, love of money, stinginess, covetousness, untruth, envy, pride and vanity, rage and anger, murder, sorcery, fornication, adultery, sodomy, etc.), i.e. the main human vices are listed.
On the 9th day, loved ones pray for the deceased, so that his soul will be honored to be canonized and receive the reward of heavenly bliss.
Saint Macarius of Alexandria, by revelation from an Angel, says that after worshiping God on the third day, the soul is commanded to show the various abodes of saints and the beauty of paradise. The soul watches all this for six days, admiring the beauty and forgetting the sorrow that it had while in the body.
If she is guilty of sins, then she begins to grieve and reproach herself for having spent her life carelessly and not serving God as she should. After viewing heaven, the soul (on the ninth day of its separation from the body) ascends to worship God.
The number forty is significant and is often found in the Holy Scriptures. According to the testimony of the same Saint Macarius, after the second worship, the Lord commands to show the soul hell with all its torments, and for thirty days the soul, led through the torments of hell, trembles so that such a fate is not prepared for it.
On the fortieth day, the ordeal ends, and the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, who judges it and determines its place in anticipation of the Last Judgment according to its earthly affairs and by the grace of the prayers of the Church and loved ones during these forty days.
The court of the fortieth day is a private court to determine the position of the soul, which, according to the teachings of the Orthodox Church, can change through the prayers of relatives and friends, their performance of alms and good deeds in memory of the deceased.
For funeral meals, they gathered first of all relatives, closest friends, and earlier also, necessarily the poor and the poor. Those who washed and dressed the deceased were especially invited. After the meal, all relatives of the deceased were supposed to go to the bathhouse to wash themselves.
The fortieth day was considered the most important. It was believed that after the magpies the soul goes far, far away, and therefore they were in a hurry to get everything done by this time. They ordered a memorial liturgy (requiem service or magpie in church), gave something to commemorate the soul and the church parable. They always paid money for funeral services until the fortieth day.
Commemorations on the ninth, fortieth and other days of death usually consisted of a visit by the relatives of the deceased to the cemetery and a funeral home meal for those invited.

Nowadays, funerals are sometimes more reminiscent of pagan funeral feasts, which were organized by the ancient Slavs, who believed that the richer and more magnificent the farewell to the deceased, the better he would live in another world. Elements of vanity, prestige, the financial condition of the relatives of the deceased, as well as ignorance of the church charter in this matter also play a certain role in this.
Compliance with the norms in the Orthodox funeral meal requires that before it begins, one of the loved ones reads the 17th kathisma from the Psalter in front of a lit lamp or candle. Immediately before eating, they read “Our Father...”.
It was customary to serve ritual dishes at the funeral table: kanun (fed), kutya (kolivo), pancakes, jelly. In addition to these mandatory dishes, cold fish appetizers, herring, sprats, fish dishes, and fish pies are usually served, which has a certain connection with Christian symbolism.
On fasting days, meat dishes were allowed: roast, meat stew, kulebyaka pies, borscht, porridge, noodles with poultry. Hot food was considered obligatory, because they believed that the soul of the deceased flies away along with the steam.

Currently, the funeral table menu also consists of a certain set of dishes, depending on what days the funeral falls on (lenten or fast).
Salads of beets with garlic, radishes, cucumbers, tomatoes, feta cheese with tomatoes, fresh and sauerkraut are served as appetizers; caviar from apples, vegetables (carrots, zucchini, eggplants), vinaigrette, vinaigrette with herring, etc. Hot dishes, in addition to those mentioned, include cutlets, stewed lamb, poultry baked or fried in vegetable oil, duck with sauerkraut, fried eggplants, stuffed peppers, boiled potatoes, cabbage rolls stuffed with vegetables. Pies with potatoes, berries, apples, dried fruits, dried apricots, mushrooms, cabbage, fish, cereals, rice, etc. were made from lean yeast dough. Funeral pancakes were obligatory. Gingerbread cookies, gingerbread cookies, pancakes, and sweets were placed on the table. Cakes and pastries were not recommended. Drinks include berry jelly, lemon drink with honey, apple drink, rhubarb drink, and cracker kvass.
We tried to have an even number of dishes on the table; changing them was not practiced, but we adhered to a certain sequence of meals.
The ancient funeral dish with which the funeral dinner began was kanun (fed), which used to be prepared from beans with sugar or made with honey, bread crumbled in water or unleavened cakes, which were poured with sweet sati. In the old days, wheat or barley kutia was used. Later, funeral kutya (kolivo) was made from boiled rice, doused with honey diluted in water, and sweet fruits (raisins). According to tradition, the funeral dinner began with kutia, which was eaten in three spoons.
Kutya must first be consecrated in the temple. Here, too, there is its own symbolism, in which grains serve as a sign of resurrection, and honey (raisins) signifies the spiritual sweetness of the blessings of eternal life in the Kingdom of Heaven. Kutya seems to contain the ideas of the ancients about the immortality of the soul.

Orthodox canons establish that there should be no alcohol at the funeral table, since the main thing in a funeral service is not food, but prayer, which is clearly incompatible with a drunken state, in which it is hardly permissible to ask the Lord to improve the afterlife fate of the deceased. No wonder the popular proverb says “Drinking is joy of the soul,” but on such a day the fun is unlikely to be festive.
In real life, there are rarely any wakes without alcoholic beverages. These are mainly strong drinks (vodka, cognac), dry red wines. Sweet and sparkling alcoholic drinks are usually excluded. The presence of alcoholic beverages at the funeral table is partly explained by the fact that they help relieve emotional tension and stress associated with the loss of loved ones.
The table conversation is mainly devoted to the remembrance of the deceased, reminiscing with kind words about his deeds on earth, and is also aimed at consoling relatives.

For believers, it also mattered what day the commemoration took place: fast or fast, since the assortment of dishes changed accordingly in accordance with the requirements of Lent. If the commemoration fell during Great Lent, then they were not performed on weekdays, but, as usual, were postponed to the next (forward) Saturday or Sunday. Also, memorial days that fell on Bright Week (the first week after Easter) and on Monday of the second Easter week are transferred to Radonitsa (Tuesday of the second week after Easter).
Before the meal began, food was sometimes fumigated with a censer containing incense.
Food was served in everyday (not festive crystal or brightly painted porcelain) dishes, with, if possible, a calm color scheme.
We ate as usual with tablespoons or dessert spoons, trying not to use knives and forks. In some cases, if there was silverware in the family, the relatives of the deceased used silver spoons, which also serves as evidence that silver was given magical cleansing properties.
With each change of dishes, the Orthodox tried to read a prayer.
The funeral table was often decorated with branches of spruce, lingonberries, myrtle, and black mourning ribbon. The tablecloth was laid in a single color, not necessarily white, but often in muted tones, which could be decorated at the edges with black ribbon.
The table setting was normal, except that the cutlery did not include sharp objects (knife, fork), and spoons were placed with their backs facing up.
There is a tradition of placing a utensil on the funeral table for the deceased (a knife and fork are placed parallel to an empty plate), a lighted candle, often decorated at the base with a black ribbon, as well as a glass (shot glass) with vodka, covered with a piece of black bread.
The tradition of leaving dishes and food on the table for the deceased, as well as covering mirrors, windows, and TV screens, has nothing to do with Orthodoxy; its origins go back to paganism, but in real life it is widespread. This example, like many others, indicates that modern funeral rituals are syncretic, because includes heterogeneous components of folk culture, an integral part of which among the Slavic peoples is Orthodoxy.
Folk tradition also regulated the order of placing people at the funeral table. Usually the owner of the house, the head of the family, sat at the head of the table, on both sides of which were relatives in order of proximity of kinship by seniority. For children, as a rule, a separate place was allocated at the end of the table. In some cases, at the request of close relatives of the deceased, they were seated next to (on both sides) the father or mother if one of the parents died. The place where the deceased usually sat was left empty, the back of the chair was decorated with a mourning ribbon or a spruce branch.

A special order for the funeral dinner also developed, the main content of which was the commemoration of the deceased through eating food, interspersed among the Orthodox with reading prayers, memories of good earthly deeds and the personal qualities of the deceased. According to tradition, the first word was spoken by the head of the family, then the right to lead the feast was usually transferred to a special, respected person, whom close relatives of the deceased asked to fulfill this duty of “tomada-host.” Traditionally, close relatives tried not to say farewell words, but in the actual situation of a funeral dinner, as a rule, they were also given the floor.
It was customary to pronounce funeral words while standing, and after the first one to honor the memory of the deceased with a minute of silence, also standing.
If there were a large number of guests, they sat at the table in several shifts.
It was customary to break bread and pies with your hands rather than cut them. The remains of the funeral dinner, and especially baked goods, were always distributed to those present “to take away” so that they and their household could once again remember the deceased with a kind word, especially since not everyone could, for various reasons, attend the wake. The next day, crumbs of bread were carried to the grave, thereby, as it were, introducing the deceased to information about how the funeral took place.
The last funeral dish was usually jelly and tea. The Orthodox ended the meal with a prayer of gratitude: “We give thanks, O Christ our God...” and “It is worthy to eat...”, as well as wishes for well-being and an expression of sympathy for the relatives of the deceased.

It was not customary to say thanks for the treat. After eating, the spoon was usually placed on the table and not on the plate. By the way, it should be mentioned that according to custom, if a spoon fell under the table during dinner, it was not recommended to pick it up.
Getting up from the table, they often bowed in the direction where the deceased’s utensil stood, addressing “him” with words like “we ate, drank, it’s time to go home, and may you rest in peace,” after which, saying goodbye to the relatives of the deceased, went home. As a rule, they sat at the table for a long time, which was considered a good omen, since many good things could be remembered about the deceased. In some places there was a sign that whoever stood up first from the funeral table would soon die, so they tried not to be the first to leave the table.
There was also a custom of leaving the device with a glass of vodka covered with bread for up to forty days. They believed that if the liquid decreases, it means that the soul is drinking. Vodka and snacks were also left at the grave, although this has nothing to do with Orthodox rituals.
After the guests left, the household, if they had time, usually washed themselves before sunset. There was no need to remove anything from the table, but they tried to cover all the cutlery and remaining food with something, except for that intended for the deceased. All doors and windows were tightly closed at night. At dusk they already tried not to cry, so as not to “call the deceased from the cemetery,” according to popular belief.
After the funeral of a loved one, many people, especially close relatives, observed mourning.
The widow had to observe the deepest mourning - up to a year. Earlier at this time, she was wearing only clothes, mostly black, and no jewelry at all. Naturally, in the eyes of others, even thoughts of remarriage before the end of the period of mourning were considered indecent.

In most cases, a widower mourned for six months. Children were required to mourn for their deceased parents for a year, successively changing from black to lighter shades of clothing. This mourning for the deceased father or mother was divided in duration into deep - six months, ordinary - three months and semi-mourning - the remaining three months, when white and gray were mixed with the black color of the clothes. For grandparents, it was customary to wear six-month mourning, which was also divided equally into deep and semi-mourning. The same period of mourning was for the deceased sister and brother.
Mourning clothes were dark, black or blue, in which shades of red were completely excluded. Most often not new. Currently, if there are no suitable clothes or headdress in the wardrobe, they buy a black dress (suit) and a headscarf. Previously, during mourning, they did not even try to take special care of clothes, because, according to popular beliefs, careful care of them was a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of the deceased. During the period of mourning, women should cover their heads with a scarf.
There was a widespread custom during this period not to cut hair, not to do elegant, voluminous hairstyles, and in some cases, even to braid girls’ hair. In general, in Rus', women, as a rule, had to observe external signs of mourning longer, and men could wear black, dark-colored clothes only on days of remembrance, which was not condemned in the public consciousness even by village residents.
Signs of mourning in the house remained for a long time, depending on the way of life. In most cases - up to 40 days, and also up to a year.
In families of believers, mourning was marked by intense prayers, reading religious books, abstinence in food and pastime. It was not customary to participate in various amusements, holidays, and gambling.
If the wedding of one of the relatives happened during the period of mourning, then on the wedding day the mourning attire was removed, but put on again the next day.
It was not customary to go to public and entertainment places during deep mourning; even appearing in the theater was considered permissible only after the mourning had completely lifted. An arbitrary reduction of mourning in a society with a certain way of life and observance of folk traditions immediately catches the eye and can cause condemnation.
In modern conditions, as a rule, such a long period of mourning as before is not observed, especially in the city. All this is individual and in each specific case depends on a number of circumstances.
When wearing mourning, one should not show boundless grief by demonstrating it to others. Everything should be done with dignity, since the meaning of mourning lies not only in observing external decency, signs of a person’s mental state, but also in the fact that it is a time for a person to deepen into himself, a time for thinking about the meaning of life. Ultimately, the way we honor the memory of our relatives, others may also honor our memory, for no one is eternal in this world.