Lev Abramovich Kassil

Conduit and Schwambrania

Tale

EXTRAORDINARY ADVENTURES

TWO KNIGHTS,

in search of justice

discovered on the mainland

Big Tooth

GREAT STATE

SHVAMBRANSKOE,

descriptions of amazing

events that happened

on the wandering islands,

and also about many other things,

stated

former Schwambranian

admiral

ARDELAR CASE,

now living under the name

Lev Kassil,

application of many secret

documents, nautical charts,

state emblem

and own

flag

Part one

Country of volcanic origin

Opening

On the evening of October 11, 1492, Christopher Columbus, on the 68th day of his voyage, noticed some moving light in the distance. Columbus went to light and discovered America.

On the evening of February 8, 1914, my brother and I were serving our sentence in the corner. At the 12th minute, my brother, as the youngest, was pardoned, but he refused to leave me until my sentence expired and remained in the corner. For several minutes we then thoughtfully and tactfully explored the depths of our noses. At the 4th minute, when the noses were exhausted, we opened Schwambrania.

The Lost Queen, or the mystery of the shell grotto

It all started when the queen disappeared. She disappeared in broad daylight and the day grew dark. The worst thing was that it was daddy's queen. Dad was fond of chess, and the queen, as you know, is a very powerful figure on the chessboard.

The Vanished Queen was part of a brand new set, just made by a turner to Dad's special order. Dad valued the new chess very much.

We were strictly forbidden to touch the chess, but it was extremely difficult to resist.

Chiseled lacquered figurines provided unlimited possibilities for using them for the most varied and tempting games. Pawns, for example, could perfectly perform the duties of soldiers and skittles. The figures had the sliding gait of floor polishers: cloth was glued to their round soles. The tours could pass for glasses, the king - for a samovar or a general. The officers' bumps looked like light bulbs. A pair of black and a pair of white horses could be harnessed to cardboard carriages and a cab exchange or a carousel could be set up. Both queens were especially comfortable: the blonde and the brunette. Each queen could work for a Christmas tree, a cab driver, a Chinese pagoda, a flower pot on a stand and a bishop... No, it was impossible to resist not touching the chess set!

On that historical day, the white queen-cabin agreed to take the black queen-bishop on a black horse to the black king-general. They went. The Black King-General treated the Queen-Bishop very well. He placed a white samovar-king on the table, ordered the pawns to polish the checkered parquet and lit the electric officers. The king and queen drank two full rounds each.

When the samovar-king cooled down and the game got boring, we collected the pieces and were about to put them in place, when suddenly - oh horror! - we noticed the disappearance of the black queen...

We almost rubbed our knees crawling on the floor, looking under chairs, tables, and cabinets. It was all in vain. The queen, that fine piece of trash, has disappeared without a trace! I had to tell my mom. She brought the whole house to its feet. However, general searches did not lead to anything. An inevitable thunderstorm was approaching our shorn heads. And then dad arrived.

Yes, it was bad weather! What a thunderstorm there! A whirlwind, a hurricane, a cyclone, a simoom, a tornado, a typhoon has hit us! Dad was raging. He called us barbarians and vandals. He said that even a bear can be taught to value things and handle them with care. He shouted that we have a robber instinct of destruction and he will not tolerate this instinct and vandalism.

March both to the “first aid kit” - to the corner! - the father shouted to top it all off. - Vandals!!!

We looked at each other and roared in unison.

If I had known that I would have such a dad,” Oska roared, “I would never have been born in my life!”

Mom also blinked her eyes frequently and was ready to “drip.” But this did not soften dad. And we wandered into the “first aid kit”.

For some reason, we called the “first aid kit” a dimly lit walk-through room near the restroom and kitchen. There were dusty flasks and bottles on the small window. This is probably what gave rise to the nickname.

In one of the corners of the “first aid kit” there was a small bench, known as the “dock.” The fact is that the doctor father considered children standing in the corner unhygienic and did not put us in the corner, but sat us down.

We sat on the bench of shame. In the “first aid kit” the prison twilight shone blue. Oska said:

He was the one swearing about the circus... how does a bear handle things? Yes?

Are vandals at the circus too?

“Vandals are robbers,” I explained gloomily.

“I guessed it,” Oska was delighted, “they were wearing shackles.”

The head of the cook Annushka appeared at the kitchen door.

What is this? - Annushka threw up her hands indignantly. - Children are thrown into a corner because of the master’s spilli... Oh, you, my sinners! Should I bring the cat to play with?

Come on, your cat! - I muttered, and the already extinguished resentment flared up with renewed vigor.

Dusk was deepening. The unlucky day was ending. The Earth turned its back to the Sun, and the world also turned its most offensive side towards us. From our shameful corner we surveyed an unjust world. The world was very big, as geography taught, but there was no place for children in it. All five parts of the world were owned by adults. They controlled history, rode horses, hunted, commanded ships, smoked, made real things, fought, loved, saved, kidnapped, played chess... And the children stood in the corners. Adults have probably forgotten their childhood games and books that they read when they were little. They must have forgotten! Otherwise, they would allow us to be friends with everyone on the street, climb on roofs, splash around in puddles and see boiling water in the chess king...

That's what we both thought, sitting in the corner.

Let's run away! - Oska suggested. - Let's get down!

Run, please, who's holding you?.. But where? - I reasonably objected. - Everyone is big anyway, and you are small.

And suddenly a dazzling idea hit my head. It pierced the darkness of the “first aid kit” like lightning, and I was not surprised to hear the thunder that soon followed (later it turned out that it was Annushka who dropped the baking sheet in the kitchen).

There was no need to run anywhere, no need to look for the promised land. She was here, next to us. You just had to invent it. I've already seen her in the dark. Over there, where the door to the restroom is, there are palm trees, ships, palaces, mountains...

The main characters (live in Pokrovsk): (the story is told on behalf of the author - me), mother, father, Oska - younger brother, Annushka (maid), Marfusha (servant), cousin Mitya, zemsky, director (nickname - Fish Eye) , Tsap-Tsarapych, inspector, Athonite Recruit, Pharaoh, Joseph, Atlantis, Bindyug, Arkasha (son of the cook), Latin teacher - Cockroach or Long-necked, history teacher “e-mue”, French teacher, Commissar Chubarkov, three aunts, military La -Bazri-De-Bazan (marquis), Kirikov – the toadstool man (alchemist),

Dina (cousin).

Conduit

Oska and I lost our father’s chess queen, he put us in a corner. We came up with a new game: play the country - Schwambrania. Then the queen was found, but by that time my father had already cut out another, and we made the old queen the keeper of the Swambran secret, imprisoning her in the grotto that we took from my mother. We played like this for several years. Our country was depicted on the map as a tooth, and there were oceans all around. Our Schwambrania waged wars with Balvonia and Caldonia. I was a king, and Oska was a postman who brought letters calling for war. Our country has always won. All residents of the country are seafarers

And the watermen who walk on Breshka. The most important sailor is Jack, the sailors' companion, he is a polyglot.

We imagined our house in the form of a large steamship. Father (doctor) is the captain of the house. Dad is a good person, he always jokes, but when we got anything from him, mom (a pianist) served as a “silencer.” My father was often called to the hospital at night. We rode on a tarantay until our father threw us into a ditch. Oska loved to fish goldfish out of an aquarium and then bury them in a matchbox; I once brushed my cat’s teeth with my dad’s brush, and she scratched his hands. After that, my father bought us a little goat, which then tore off all the wallpaper and chewed up my father’s trousers, for which they gave him back.

I read the book “Around Us” and learned from it how things are done. Oska knows a lot of words, but confuses them all. He once met a priest in the park, whom he mistook for a woman. And the priest told Oska about God (“Oh, I know, Christ is Risen is his last name...”). Annushka (the maid) took us to the church for the wedding, and we came up with the idea that Shvambrania is the kingdom of heaven, and the priest in our country was called Hematogen. We divided all the authorities into: liquid (parents), solid (the director of the gymnasium) and gaseous (the police and the zemstvo chief). My cousin Mitya came to visit us for Christmas, who was expelled from the Saratov gymnasium for disrespectful comments about the Law of God. His sacred duty is to do nasty things to those in authority. A masquerade ball was being held at the Commercial Assembly, and we were also invited. Mitya wants to annoy the zemstvo. To do this, he decided to take Marfusha with him, whose costume was a large postal envelope with a fair supply of Marfusha stamps. Marfa took first place, for which she was given a gold watch. Zemsky became interested in her and wanted to find out who she was, but she was kidnapped. Afterwards, my father said that it was our maid, and the zemsky turned purple. Someone screwed a very large bot with a letter onto the porch of the zemstvo: whoever it suits will be the head of the zemstvo. He realized that it was Mitya, and he was reprimanded. I was accepted into the gymnasium (“They shaved me! They fooled me!”). We spent the summer before the gymnasium at the dacha. The day before classes, my head was shaved, and on the first day of school, my buttons were ripped out. My mother and I went into the pastry shop and met the director there. We were not allowed to visit various entertainment establishments - we immediately ended up in conduit. Conduit is a book where all our tricks and fines were recorded. They also called it “The Pigeon Book” because we had greatcoats the same color as the doves. We were very afraid of the director (nickname – Fish Eye). Tsap-Tsarapych kept an eye on us all the time so that we fulfilled the conduit’s requirements. But they loved the inspector. When we got fined, he kept us standing for an hour and then let us go home. Previously, in Pokrovsk there were wire handles instead of bells, but the doctor installed a bell with electric batteries in his apartment. A little later he appeared for everyone. In the shalman lived the Athonite Recruit, a jack of all trades who repaired calls for everyone. We often went to see him and discussed books. Once there was a fight in the People's Garden, and the director forbade walking there. All the schoolchildren began to be indignant about this story, but Oska also found a way out: as a sign of protest, they cut off all calls in the city. The whole city signed up to join the Athos Recruit, but calls were still cut off. No one else appointed himself, except for the zemstvo chief, and assigned Pharaoh to him, but the bell was cut off again (the zemstvo’s son hid it in his hand). The bailiff ordered the Pharaoh to find the thieves (for 50 rubles). Pharaoh gives bribes, but Joseph remains silent. The Pharaoh had in his hands a torn manifesto, which included the full name of the zemstvo son, and he reported everything to the director. Pharaoh came for Atlantis, Bindyug himself came to the director. All eight were expelled. Joseph came to the director and said that the entire gymnasium + the zemstvo’s son was cutting off calls, and asked that we be accepted into the gymnasium again. Now the rules in the gymnasium have become stricter, the Latin teacher - Cockroach or Longneck - is especially diligent in giving us 1 and 2, the history teacher raises the guilty ones for the whole lesson, the French girl is offended all the time. Once I was fleeing from a janitor by running across the roofs and met a girl named Taisa. I initiated her into the secret of Schwambrania, and she revealed the secret to some boy. We play war with Oska, Klavdyusha (the cook’s daughter) is a prisoner. She received a letter from her son, which said that his hand had been cut off, we were very sorry for her. We do dirty tricks on the teacher: gunpowder explodes under his soles, gunpowder and pepper were added to the tobacco. The teacher went to complain to the director. We meet wounded soldiers, the spirit of the times permeates us, Oska wore a toilet ring in a hole with a portrait of Nicholas II. The girls' gymnasium and I were taken to the main town to show an example of a fight. The year 1916 ends. On December 31, my parents went to see friends to celebrate the New Year. My classmate Grishka came to visit me. He and I went outside and saw a horse in the harness of a rich man and decided to go for a ride. But the horse still couldn’t stop. Then Tsap-Tsarapych came out, and as luck would have it the horse stopped. He said that he would sign us up for conduit and leave us after the holidays for 4 hours without lunch. He asked if we were allowed to ride, to which we answered “yes”. He decided to find out, got on his horse, and it started chasing. At this time, the owner came out and saw that the horse had been stolen and called the police. After the holidays, Tsap-Tsarapych did not remember this incident. Oska made an important conclusion: The earth is round because the globe is round. D. Lesha called and said that the revolution had overthrown the tsar, and asked him to convey this to his parents. I went out into the street, I wanted to shout to everyone about the revolution. Tsap-Tsarapych noticed me and signed me up as a conduit. At the gymnasium I told everyone this news. There was a portrait of the Tsar hanging in the classroom, and we stuck a burning cigarette into it. It turned out that Nicholas II smokes. We pass notes through the fence to the girls' gymnasium, they are also for freedom. Atlantis heard that the teachers want to overthrow the principal. The director did not come to the demonstration (he cited illness). The committee kicks out the director; in his haste, he forgets to put on his boots. The director went to seek help from the parent committee. The director came to the secretary (my father) and met with Oska. He calls it Black Eye. Parents are afraid of freedom for their children - they will dissolve. In the gymnasium, grades are abolished, instead: good, good, bad, bad, excellent. Arkasha (the cook's son) is smart, he began to study for free in my class. Arkasha is in love with Lyusya (the daughter of a rich chairman). But her mother is against it. He became haggard, began to study worse, then he heard that there were no more Barins, and wrote her a letter. The teacher snatched it, read it and ridiculed Arkasha in front of the class. And then Arkasha realized: the world is still divided into paid and free.

Schwambrania

There were meetings and rallies everywhere, and I also wanted to take part in them. We gathered a circle of Boy Scouts and did good deeds. The end of the conduit came: we burned it along with the diaries on a fire near the gymnasium. We spent the summer of 1918 in the village of Kvasnikovka, smashing nettles and destroying toadstools, and found a huge fly agaric. During our absence, Breshka has changed; a rich man's liquor store was destroyed. Our gymnasium was combined with a girls' school. We went there ourselves and chose girls for our class. Newcomers from a higher primary school also came to us, but we didn’t like them. The girls came up with a new game - staring contest. In the evenings they held dances and we made sure that the boys from class “B” did not dance with our girls. The gymnasium served tea with refined sugar, which was in short supply. I carried sugar home and put it as an emergency supply. I was a sugar distributor in the canteen. Bindyug suggested dividing the remaining sugar between two people. I refused, he tripped me and I hurt my forehead. Oska was taken to school, and I taught him how not to be beaten. The “staring contest” was forgotten, everyone was carried away by the French wrestling, including Oska. We have a new history teacher, “e-mue,” and we liked him. Our gymnasium began to wander throughout the city. We are catching up on algebra, the teacher stays with us after school, our parents are shocked. Our class invited class “B” to compete in algebra. We prepared for this day until 12 at night, but we could only walk until 11, the patrol picked us up. We said that we went to the pharmacy for castor oil (“B” also got caught and “went for iodine”). The champion is Bindyug, our class won. But it turned out that Bindyug was cheating, so fame and sugar were divided into two classes. The commissioner asks us to stay after class and draw posters about the rash. Even though we really wanted to eat, we stayed. After this, the commissioner fell ill, he had typhus, a temperature of 41. The commissioner was recovering, but was still weak. They moved him to an apartment, I brought him books. On his wall hung a poster of a Red Army soldier pointing his finger. I look at him, and he looks at me, as if we were playing a staring contest. I brought him my sugar for tea, but they also “tried” and brought it to me. Oska and I introduced mortality in Shvambrania. Oska said that on the street some soldier asked him about Shvambrania. I think that Oska believes in her true existence. At school he spoke about our country, they assured him that it does not exist, and the soldier asked not about Schwambrania, but about the headquarters. Three aunts came to us. One cannot pronounce “r”, the other cannot pronounce “l”. They decided to take charge of our upbringing. We moved to live in another house. Dad said that people are miserable slaves of things. Children, learn to despise things. We broke the dish, to which dad said that we are vandals and before we despise things, we must learn to take care of them and earn money. Mom was not at home, and at that time the piano was taken away. Mom is shocked: under the lid there was a valuable package with foreign scented soap, and we added Schwambran documents to it. I went with my mother to “rescue” the bundle. I played a polka and ditties for everyone, and my mother played the overture from “Prince Igor.” Everyone was delighted. The commissioner recovered and was settled next to us. Oska played “Tyapki-Tyapki” with him, then dad joined them. The military man La-Bazri-De-Bazan, whom his aunts called the Marquis, moved into another room; the commission for combating desertion sat in the third room. A bundle of soap disappeared from us, dad called Chek, the bundle was found at the Marquis, and our maps of Schwambrania were also found, we were forced to tell the boss about our country, which caused him to burst into laughter. We moved again. Our aunts took us to the theater every day. Lunacharsky. Pokrovsk was captured by a craze for theater. Even children's studios opened, where we were also enrolled. Dad went to the front, and I remained the main man in the house. Hungry times have come. For a pound of meat a month I give literacy and arithmetic lessons. We only eat sugar from my emergency supply on weekends. Mom exchanged the shell grotto for a quarter of kerosene. A period of decline began in Schwambrania. It was located in the Eel Palace. Oska and I explored the dead house and fell into the basement. Someone grabbed us. It was Kirikov - the toadstool man, he came up with the elixir there. Cousin Dina also came to live with us, we liked her, and she also pinched the aunts’ tails. Dina was hired as the head of the library. There we organized a literary circle. The Commissioner fell in love with our Dina. Dad got sick: he had a rash, Atlantis died. We are already bored with playing Shvambrania, so Oska and I went to the alchemist. It turned out that he was not making an elixir, but simple moonshine. Soon dad arrived, yellow with a long beard and lice. They want to close our library again because there is no firewood. We suggested dismantling Shvambrania (Eel's house) for firewood. This is how our country disappeared.

Pokrov was renamed the city of Engels. I was recently in Engels to congratulate Oska the father: his daughter was born. Oska still confuses words. We read to everyone about Shvambrania, remembering our childhood. Everything has changed in the city. Even in Schwambrania this did not happen.

Option 2

Conduit and Oska were the sons of a doctor in Pokrovsk. They fantasize about their fictional country of Mop in the Pacific Ocean, which resembles the shape of a tooth. The conduit ruled the state, and Oska served as a postman, delivering letters calling for war. Schwambrania always won battles. Its population consisted of sailors and watermen, among whom Jack was the main one. Conduit imagined his house as a steamship, the captain of which was his father.

One day, their relative Mitya came to visit the boys and did various dirty tricks. He brought a maid to the masquerade, which caused the indignation of the zemstvo. Conduit entered the gymnasium, where a special book of fines was kept. For misbehavior, children were put in a corner for an hour and then sent home. Students were forbidden to appear in the People's Garden because of someone's fight. As a sign of protest, Oska and other students cut off all calls, for which some of them were expelled from the gymnasium.

The following year, the boys' gymnasium was combined with the girls' school. Conduit teaches Oska so that he will not be bullied at school in his first year. The algebra teacher additionally teaches the children, which surprises the parents, but the students like it, they even wanted to compete in mathematical knowledge with the “bashniks”. Once they were even arrested by a patrol when they were returning from the gymnasium at midnight, but they managed to get out by inventing a story about castor oil. The schoolchildren respected the commissar, and when he fell ill with typhus and became weak, they visited him and brought him sugar.

The Conduit family moved to a new house, and their mother’s piano, where her scented soap and Schwambrania’s documents were kept, was taken away. Conduit went with his mother to pick up his things. After some time, the family moved again, and they all began to regularly visit the theater together, because it became fashionable. When his father was taken to the front, Conduit supported his mother and brother through his teaching activities, for which he received a pound of meat monthly. While exploring an abandoned house, the boys fell into the basement, where they found Kirikov, who told them that he was making a magic elixir, although in fact it was moonshine. A relative of Dina, with whom the commissioner fell in love, came to them and got a job in the library.

The boys got tired of playing Schwambrania, which at that time was built at Eel’s house, and let it go for firewood. But Oska, even having matured and become a father, continues to remember the fictional country.

Summary of Conduit and Schwambrania Kassil

The main characters all live in Pokrovsk. The story is told on behalf of the author.

Conduit and his younger brother, Oska, lost the queen from the chess set that belonged to their father. They were punished by being put in a corner. Then they came up with the country of Schwambrania and started playing it. By the time the missing queen was found, the father had already made another, and they took the lost queen as the Secret Keeper of Schwambrania. They imprisoned her in her mother's grotto. This game continued for several years. The country was shaped like a tooth, and was surrounded by ocean. Schwambrania fought with Balvonia and Caldonia. The conduit was the ruler of the country, Oska was the postman, and carried letters calling for war. Schwambrania always won. The country was inhabited by sailors and watermen. They all walked on Breshka. The most important sailor was Jack. He accompanied sailors and knew many languages.

Conduit's entire house was like a big steamship for the players. His father, a doctor, was a ship captain. Conduit describes his father positively: he always joked, but when he got angry, his mother always softened the blow. My father was a doctor, he often had to go to calls at night. The children rode around on the cart until one day their father pushed them into a ditch. Oska's favorite pastime was fishing in the aquarium: he pulled out goldfish and gave them a magnificent funeral in matchboxes. One day he decided to brush the cat's teeth with his dad's toothbrush. For this she slashed his hands. Then the father gave the children a little goat. He tore off all the wallpaper, ate his father's trousers and was given to someone unknown.

Conduit loved to read “Around Us. From there he learned about everything in the world. Oska also has a large vocabulary, but does not know the meaning of half of the words she has learned. One day he met a priest in the park, deciding that she was a woman. The priest enlightened Oska in religious matters, and his maid Annushka showed them the wedding in the church. Then the children decided that Schwambrania would be the kingdom of heaven, and the priest was named Hematogen. All the authorities were divided into classes: the parents were liquid, the school director and teachers were solid, the police were gaseous.

One day their cousin, Mitya, came to visit them. He spoke badly about God, and for this he was kicked out of the gymnasium in Saratov. He considered it his sacred duty to spoil high-ranking officials. One day the Assembly of Commerce held a masquerade ball. All the children were also invited there. To annoy the zemstvo chief, Mitya took Marfusha with him dressed as a postal envelope. This costume took first place, and Marfusha was given a gold watch. The zemstvo chief liked her, he wanted to get to know her, but she was stolen. When the father told the zemstvo that Marfusha was their servant, he became furious.

One day, an unknown person threw a shoe and a note onto this boss’s porch. It said that whoever fits this huge shoe will become his wife. Everyone blamed Mitya for this. Conduit was accepted into the gymnasium after having shaved his head. The whole summer before entering the gymnasium they were at the dacha. On his first day at the gymnasium, all his buttons were torn off. In the pastry shop, Conduit and his mother met the director of the gymnasium. Children were not supposed to be seen in entertainment establishments - they were immediately recorded in a book where fines were kept track of. Everyone was very afraid of the director, nicknamed Fisheye. Tsap-Tsarapych made sure that the students strictly followed the requirements from the book of fines. But everyone respected the inspector. If someone did something wrong, they kept him in a corner for a maximum of an hour, and then they were allowed to go home. Previously, there were no bells in Pokrovsk - instead of them there were wire handles. But the doctor was the first to make an electric bell for himself. The Athonite Recruit also lived there. He was a master at fixing bells. The conduit and his brother often visited him, chatting about books. Once there was a fight in the People's Garden, after which everyone was forbidden to show themselves there. When the students began to be indignant, Oska proposed to protest by cutting off all calls in the city. At that time the Athos Recruit had many visitors. No one made any more calls to themselves. The zemstvo chief did it, but again everything was cut off for him. Moreover, it was his own son. Then the Bailiff ordered the Pharaohs to find the thieves, giving them fifty rubles. The pharaoh found a fragment of the manifesto, where the name of the zemstvo son was indicated. Pharaoh went and complained to the director. He also complained about Atlantis, and Bindyug himself surrendered. They were all kicked out. Joseph told the director that the entire gymnasium was to blame for the lack of calls, so let him accept those expelled back. Enforcement of rules in the gymnasium has become even stricter. The Latin teachers, Cockroach and Longneck, constantly give their students two and a stake, and the history teacher likes to give everyone standing marks. The Frenchwoman always walks around offended. One day Conduit was running away from a janitor across the rooftops. So he became friends with the girl Taisa. He told her in confidence about Schwambrania, and she went ahead and told some unknown boy about it. Once Conduit and Oska fought, taking the cook’s daughter prisoner. Klavdyusha received a letter that her son had lost his arm. The children felt very sorry for her. They constantly bothered the teacher: they poured gunpowder under his feet, mixed his tobacco with pepper. The teacher could not stand it and complained about them to the director. The students began to often meet wounded soldiers, and were imbued with the spirit of war. Oska had a ring with a portrait of Nicholas II. The boys and girls' high school students were taken on an excursion to the city. End of 1916. On December 31, Conduit’s parents met with their friends. His classmate, Grishka, came to visit Conduit. They went for a walk and, seeing some gentleman’s horse, decided to ride it. But the horse was so happy that he stubbornly refused to slow down. When Tsap-Tsarapych appeared, the harmful horse immediately froze. Tsap-Tsarapych promised that he would write them down in the book as having been at fault and would deal with them after the holidays. When he asked if the children could ride a horse, they answered in unison that yes, they could. He mounted the horse and it ran. When the owner came out, he did not find his horse and called the police. After the holidays, Tsap-Tsarapych did not say anything to the children. Oska discovered that there is a connection between the round Earth and the round globe. A call came from Uncle Lyosha, who asked Conduit to tell his parents that a revolution had taken place. The king has been overthrown. Conduit wanted to go out into the street and talk to everyone about the revolution. This time Tsap-Tsarapych included him in the book of fines. At the gymnasium, Conduit told everyone about the revolution. A cigarette was stuffed into the portrait of the Tsar that hung in the classroom. It looked like Nicholas II was smoking. Corresponding with the girls' gymnasium, the students found out that the girls were also for the revolution. Atlantis overheard the teachers plotting against the principal. When the demonstration took place, the director was ill and was not there. The committee removes the director. In his haste, he forgets his ears. The director went to the parents of the students. Conduit's father was the secretary of the parent committee. Parents are afraid that their children will be given freedom. They think that then the children will go completely wild. In the gymnasium, the grades are now “good”, “satisfactory”, “unsatisfactory”, “bad”. Excellent student Arkasha started studying for free. Arkasha loves Lyusya, but her mother is against their meetings. He became upset, lost weight, and slowed down in his grades. Then he decided that the Barins were no longer anywhere, and sent her a letter. The letter, however, was not delivered as intended: it was intercepted by the teacher, who for a long time afterwards ridiculed Arkasha in front of everyone. Then Arkasha realized that the difference still remains between paid and free.

Schwambrania.

Conduit also wanted to participate in meetings and rallies. Together with the Boy Scouts they did good deeds. They burned the book of fines in a fire where the diaries were already burning. In the summer of 1918 they were in the village of Kvasnikovka. There they beat nettles and trampled toadstools. Much has changed in their absence: the wine store of one bourgeois was damaged. The Conduit gymnasium was connected to the girls' school. They recruited girls into their class themselves. Pupils from a higher primary school also arrived, but the high school students did not like them. The girls had their own game - staring contest. On dance nights, Conduit's class made sure that boys from other classes did not ask their girls to dance. The schoolchildren ate their tea with refined sugar; this is a very scarce product. The conduit did not drink tea with sugar, but carried it home and hid it in a hiding place. In the dining room he distributed sugar. Bindyug suggested dividing the remaining sugar equally. When Conduit refused, he was tripped up. He fell and got a bump on his forehead. When Oska went to school, Conduit told him how not to get beaten. Nobody played staring contest anymore, everyone was engaged in French wrestling. The high school students really liked the new history teacher. Everyone is catching up on algebra. The teacher teaches students after school, parents are shocked. Conduit’s class invited the “Bashniks” to compete in algebra.

That day they sat preparing until twelve at night, and on the way back they were arrested by a patrol, because they could only walk until eleven. They made an excuse that they went to the pharmacy to buy castor oil. Bindyug won in the hero class, but then it turned out that he cheated, and the sugar had to be divided equally. The commissioner asks after the lesson to draw posters about the rash forest. The students were hungry, but they agreed. Soon that commissioner fell ill with typhus. Then he began to recover, but was still unable to walk due to weakness. The conduit brought him books. While visiting the commissar, they played a staring contest. The conduit wanted to treat the commissar with sugar, but someone had already beaten him to it. Conduit and Oska created mortality in Shvambrania. Oska said that some soldier stopped him on the street and asked him to go to Shvambrania. It seems to Conduit that Oska actually believes in this country. When he talked about it at school, they laughed at him - there is no such country. Then it turned out that the soldier was not interested in Schwambrania, but in the headquarters. Three aunts came to visit. Two of them burr. He began to raise Conduit and Oska, and their father took them to live in another house, saying that their aunts were pathetic slaves of things. He asked the children to despise things. But when they took and broke the dish, the father called it vandalism, and explained that before you despise things, you need to learn how to make money from them. When my mother was not at home, they took her piano. Mom is shocked: she hid expensive scented soap in the piano, which was brought to her from abroad. And the children had Schwambran documents there. Then Condit went to help his mother pick up the package. He played a polka for everyone and read ditties, and mother played “Prince Igor.” Everyone liked it. When the commissioner recovered, he settled next to them. At first, Oska played “Bloopers and Hobbies” with the commissar. Then their father started playing with them. La-Bazri-De-Bazan settled in the next room. He was a military man, but for some reason his aunts called him Marquis. Soon a commission came to them, which fought against desertion. The soap package has disappeared. Then this package was found at the Marquis's. He also had maps of Schwambrania. The children had to tell the boss about their country. The boss chuckled. The family moved again. Every day they went with their aunts to the Lunacharsky Theater. In Pokrovsk it became fashionable to go to the theater. Even children were taught theater arts. Conduit and Oska were also put there. When his father went to the front, Conduit remained in the house as the eldest. Hunger began. The conduit teaches literacy and counting per pound of meat per month. Sugar from his savings is given to the family only on holidays. Mother traded a quarter of the kerosene for a grotto made of shells. Schwambrania also suffers a decline, settling in the domain of the Eel. When he and Oska were exploring the house of the dead, they fell into the basement, where someone grabbed them. It turned out that Kirikov was a nasty person who was inventing magic water there. Then cousin Dina came to the family and stayed with them. Conduit and Oska immediately began to like her, especially after she shut up her aunts. Dina started working as a library manager. There the children created a literary circle. The Commissioner fell in love with Dina. Dad fell ill with some kind of rash, and Atlantis died. Conduit and Oska got tired of playing Schwambrania, and they went to Kirikov. It turned out that he was not inventing magic water, but real moonshine. When dad arrived, he had a yellow face and a huge thick beard with lice. They wanted to close the library due to a lack of firewood. Conduit offered to cut up the Schwambrania, which was in Eel’s house, for firewood. So Shvambrania ceased to exist.

Pokrov was renamed the city of Engels. Recently, Conduit came there to visit Oska, who had become a father. He still doesn't know the meaning of some words. They tell children about Shvambrania and remember themselves as children. The city has changed.

Please note that this is only a brief summary of the literary work “Conduit and Schwambrania”. This summary omits many important points and quotes.

Consists of two parts - “Conduit” and “Schwambrania”

Plot

Two children from a doctor's family from Pokrovsk - Lelya and Oska (their prototypes were Lev Kassil himself and his brother Joseph, respectively) - come up with an imaginary country of Schwambrania. This country is located in the Pacific Ocean and is comparable in size to Australia. Schwambrania is a real paradise for adventure lovers, brave sailors and explorers; it embodies all childhood fantasies inspired by the books of Jules Verne and Fenimore Cooper, as well as the reality of Russia at the beginning of the 20th century. Children give their characters names from the names of drugs and other brands (for example, Brenabor, Beth Stroganov, Urodonal), which gives rise to many funny situations. For example, they named one of the famous beauties of Schwambrania “Cascara Sagrada” in honor of constipation pills.

War, hunger and devastation make children grow up faster. Lyolya helps Commissioner Chubarkov improve his life in Pokrovsk. There is less and less time and space left for playing Schwambrania. Lyolya and Oska choose the ruins of an old house for this, where they inadvertently discover Kirikov brewing moonshine. Having overheard their games, the former teacher calls his drink “the elixir of Shvambraniya,” vulgarizing a word that is sacred to children. Lyolya and Oska decide to ceremoniously bury Shvambraniya before the outside world spoils it, and offer Chubarkov and his comrades to dismantle “Shvambraniya” - an abandoned house - for firewood.

History and discrepancies in reissues

The story “Conduit and Shvambrania,” which combined two previously separate autobiographical works, was published in 1935. Highly appreciated by readers, it was republished in 1936 and 1937, after which there was a twenty-year break caused by the fact that one of its main characters - the author’s brother, Joseph Kassil (Oska) - was shot in January 1938 on false charges as a “participant Trotskyist terrorist organization" (rehabilitated in 1956). At the end of the 1940s, when the “fight against cosmopolitanism” campaign was underway, Kassil’s story came under ideological attacks (one of the critical articles was called “Children don’t need this”).

In 1957, a revised version of the story was published in Moscow and Petrozavodsk, since then the book has been republished many times in this new version. A comparison of versions shows that many fragments and even entire chapters were deleted from the original text. In particular, all references to the Republic of Volga Germans and its German inhabitants were removed (the city of Pokrovsk, later called Engels, was the capital of this republic). The new version also contains noticeably fewer references to Jews. Finally, ideologically dubious passages were crossed out or smoothed out, for example, Styopka’s words:

According to literary critic S. B. Borisov, most of the edits were caused by the requirements

The main characters (live in Pokrovsk): (the story is told on behalf of the author - me), mother, father, Oska - younger brother, Annushka (maid), Marfusha (servant), cousin Mitya, zemsky, director (nickname - Fish Eye) , Tsap-Tsarapych, inspector, Athonite Recruit, Pharaoh, Joseph, Atlantis, Bindyug, Arkasha (the cook's son), Latin teacher - Cockroach or Long-necked, history teacher "e-mue", French teacher, Commissar Chubarkov, three aunts, military La -Bazri-De-Bazan (marquis), Kirikov -human toadstool (alchemist), Dina (cousin).

Conduit

Oska and I lost our father’s chess queen, he put us in a corner. We came up with a new game: play the country - Shvambrania. Then the queen was found, but by that time my father had already cut out another, and we made the old queen the keeper of the Swambran secret, imprisoning her in the grotto, which we took from my mother. We played like this for several years. Our country was depicted on the map as a tooth, and there were oceans all around. Our Schwambrania waged wars with Balvonia and Caldonia. I was a king, and Oska was a postman who brought letters calling for war. Our country has always won. All residents of the country are sailors and watermen who walk on Breshka. The most important sailor is Jack, the sailors' companion, he is a polyglot.

We imagined our house in the form of a large steamship. Father (doctor) is a home captain. Dad is a good person, he always jokes, but when we got anything from him, mom (a pianist) served as a “silencer.” My father was often called to the hospital at night. We rode a tarantay until my father threw us into a ditch. Oska loved to fish goldfish out of an aquarium and then bury them in a matchbox; I once brushed my cat’s teeth with my dad’s brush, and she scratched his hands. After that, my father bought us a little goat, which then tore off all the wallpaper and chewed up my father’s trousers, for which they gave him back.

I read the book “Around Us” and learned from it how things are done. Oska knows a lot of words, but confuses them all. He once met a priest in the park, whom he mistook for a woman. And the priest told Oska about God (“Oh, I know, Christ is Risen is his last name...”). Annushka (the maid) took us to the church for the wedding, and we came up with the idea that Shvambrania is the kingdom of heaven, and the priest in our country was called Hematogen. We divided all the authorities into: liquid (parents), solid (the director of the gymnasium) and gaseous (the police and the zemstvo chief). Our cousin Mitya came to visit us for Christmas, who was expelled from the Saratov gymnasium for disrespectful comments about the Law of God. His sacred duty is to do nasty things to those in authority. A masquerade ball was being held at the Commercial Assembly, and we were also invited. Mitya wants to annoy the zemstvo. To do this, he decided to take Marfusha with him, whose costume was a large postal envelope with a fair supply of Marfusha stamps. Marfa took first place, for which she was given a gold watch. Zemsky became interested in her and wanted to find out who she was, but she was kidnapped. Afterwards, my father said that it was our maid, and the zemsky turned purple. Someone screwed a very large bot with a letter onto the porch of the zemstvo: whoever it suits will be the head of the zemstvo. He realized that it was Mitya, and he was reprimanded. I was accepted into the gymnasium (“They shaved me! They fooled me!”). We spent the summer before the gymnasium at the dacha. The day before classes, my head was shaved, and on the first day of school my buttons were ripped out. My mother and I went into the pastry shop and met the director there. We were not allowed to visit various entertainment establishments - we immediately ended up in conduit. Conduit is a book where all our tricks and penalties were recorded. They also called it “The Pigeon Book” because we had greatcoats the same color as the doves. We were very afraid of the director (nickname - Fisheye). Tsap-Tsarapych kept an eye on us all the time so that we fulfilled the conduit’s requirements. But they loved the inspector. When we got fined, he kept us standing for an hour and then let us go home. Previously, in Pokrovsk there were wire handles instead of bells, but the doctor installed a bell with electric batteries in his apartment. A little later he appeared for everyone. In the shalman lived the Athonite Recruit, a jack of all trades who repaired calls for everyone. We often went to see him and discussed books. Once there was a fight in the People's Garden, and the director forbade walking there. All the schoolchildren began to be indignant about this story, but Oska also found a way out: as a sign of protest, they cut off all calls in the city. The whole city signed up to join the Athos Recruit, but calls were still cut off. No one else appointed himself, except for the zemstvo chief, and assigned Pharaoh to him, but the bell was cut off again (the zemstvo’s son hid it in his hand). The bailiff ordered the Pharaoh to find the thieves (for 50 rubles). Pharaoh gives bribes, but Joseph remains silent. Pharaoh had a torn manifesto in his hands, which included the full name of the zemstvo son, and he reported everything to the director. The pharaoh came for Atlantis, Bindyug himself came to the director. All eight were expelled. Joseph came to the director and said that the entire gymnasium + the zemstvo’s son had been cutting off calls, and asked that we be accepted into the gymnasium again. Now the rules in the gymnasium have become stricter, the Latin teacher - Cockroach or Longneck - is especially diligent in giving us 1 and 2, the history teacher raises the guilty ones for the whole lesson, the French girl is offended all the time. Once I was fleeing from a janitor by running across the roofs and met a girl named Taisa. I initiated her into the secret of Schwambrania, and she revealed the secret to some boy. We play war with Oska, Klavdyusha (the cook's daughter) is a prisoner. She received a letter from her son, which said that his hand had been cut off, we were very sorry for her. We do dirty tricks on the teacher: gunpowder explodes under his soles, gunpowder and pepper were added to the tobacco. The teacher went to complain to the director. We meet wounded soldiers, the spirit of the times permeates us, Oska wore a toilet ring in a hole with a portrait of Nicholas II. The girls' gymnasium and I were taken to the main town to show an example of a fight. The year 1916 ends. On December 31, my parents went to see friends to celebrate the New Year. My classmate Grishka came to visit me. He and I went outside and saw a horse in the harness of a rich man and decided to go for a ride. But the horse still couldn’t stop. Then Tsap-Tsarapych came out, and as luck would have it the horse stopped. He said that he would sign us up for conduit and leave us after the holidays for 4 hours without lunch. He asked if we were allowed to ride, to which we answered “yes”. He decided to find out, got on his horse, and it started chasing. At this time, the owner came out and saw that the horse had been stolen and called the police. After the holidays, Tsap-Tsarapych did not remember this incident. Oska made an important conclusion: The earth is round because the globe is round. D. Lyosha called and said that the revolution had overthrown the tsar, and asked him to convey this to his parents. I went out into the street, I wanted to shout to everyone about the revolution. Tsap-Tsarapych noticed me and signed me up as a conduit. At the gymnasium I told everyone this news. There was a portrait of the Tsar hanging in the classroom, and we stuck a burning cigarette into it. It turned out that Nicholas II smokes. We pass notes through the fence to the girls' gymnasium, they are also for freedom. Atlantis heard that the teachers want to overthrow the principal. The director did not come to the demonstration (he cited illness). The committee kicks out the director; in his haste, he forgets to put on his boots. The director went to seek help from the parent committee. The director came to the secretary (my father) and met with Oska. He calls it Black Eye. Parents are afraid of freedom for their children - they will dissolve. In the gymnasium, grades are abolished, instead: good, good, bad, bad, excellent. Arkasha (the cook's son) is smart, he began to study for free in my class. Arkasha is in love with Lyusya (the daughter of a rich chairman). But her mother is against it. He became haggard, began to study worse, then he heard that there were no more Barins, and wrote her a letter. The teacher snatched it, read it and ridiculed Arkasha in front of the class. And then Arkasha realized: the world is still divided into paid and free.

Schwambrania

There were meetings and rallies everywhere, and I also wanted to take part in them. We gathered a circle of Boy Scouts and did good deeds. The end of the conduit came: we burned it along with the diaries on a fire near the gymnasium. We spent the summer of 1918 in the village of Kvasnikovka, smashing nettles and destroying toadstools, and found a huge fly agaric. During our absence, Breshka has changed; a rich man's liquor store was destroyed. Our gymnasium was combined with a girls' school. We went there ourselves and chose girls for our class. Newcomers from a higher elementary school also came to us, but we didn’t like them. The girls came up with a new game - staring contest. In the evenings they held dances and we made sure that the boys from class “B” did not dance with our girls. The gymnasium served tea with refined sugar, which was in short supply. I carried sugar home and put it as an emergency supply. I was a sugar distributor in the canteen. Bindyug suggested dividing the remaining sugar between two people. I refused, he tripped me and I hurt my forehead. Oska was taken to school, and I taught him how not to be beaten. The staring contest was forgotten, everyone was carried away by the French wrestling, including Oska. We have a new history teacher, “e-mue,” and we liked him. Our gymnasium began to wander throughout the city. We are catching up on algebra, the teacher stays with us after school, our parents are shocked. Our class invited class “B” to compete in algebra. We prepared for this day until 12 at night, but we could only walk until 11, the patrol picked us up. We said that we went to the pharmacy to get castor oil (“B” also got caught and “went to get iodine”). Champion -Bindyug, our class won. But it turned out that Bindyug was cheating, so fame and sugar were divided into two classes. The commissioner asks us to stay after class and draw posters about the rash. Even though we really wanted to eat, we stayed. After this, the commissioner fell ill, he had typhus, a temperature of 41. The commissioner was recovering, but was still weak. They moved him to an apartment, I brought him books. On his wall hung a poster of a Red Army soldier pointing his finger. I look at him, and he looks at me, as if we were playing a staring contest. I brought him my sugar for tea, but they also “tried” and brought it before me. Oska and I introduced mortality in Shvambrania. Oska said that on the street some soldier asked him about Shvambrania. I think that Oska believes in her true existence. At school he spoke about our country, they assured him that it does not exist, and the soldier asked not about Schwambrania, but about the headquarters. Three aunts came to us. One cannot pronounce “r”, the other cannot pronounce “l”. They decided to take charge of our upbringing. We moved to live in another house. Dad said that people are miserable slaves of things. Children, learn to despise things. We broke the dish, to which dad said that we are vandals and before we despise things, we must learn to take care of them and earn money. Mom was not at home, and at that time the piano was taken away. Mom is shocked: under the lid there was a valuable package with foreign scented soap, and we added Schwambran documents to it. I went with my mother to “rescue” the bundle. I played a polka and ditties for everyone, and my mother played the overture from “Prince Igor.” Everyone was delighted. The commissioner recovered and was settled next to us. Oska played “Tyapki-Tyapki” with him, then dad joined them. The military man La-Bazri-De-Bazan, whom his aunts called the Marquis, moved into another room; the commission for combating desertion sat in the third room. A package of soap disappeared from us, dad called Cheka, the package was found at the Marquis, and our maps of Schwambrania were also found, we were forced to tell the boss about our country, which caused him to burst into laughter. We moved again. Our aunts took us to the theater every day. Lunacharsky. Pokrovsk was captured by a craze for theater. Even children's studios opened, where we were also enrolled. Dad went to the front, and I remained the main man in the house. Hungry times have come. For a pound of meat a month, I give literacy and arithmetic lessons. We only eat sugar from my emergency supply on weekends. Mom exchanged the shell grotto for a quarter of kerosene. A period of decline began in Schwambrania. It was located in the Eel Palace. Oska and I explored the dead house and fell into the basement. Someone grabbed us. It was Kirikov - the toadstool man, he came up with the elixir there. Cousin Dina also came to live with us, we liked her, and she also pinched her aunts’ tails. Dina was hired as the head of the library. There we organized a literary circle. The Commissioner fell in love with our Dina. Dad got sick: he had a rash, Atlantis died. We are already bored with playing Shvambrania, so Oska and I went to the alchemist. It turned out that he was not making an elixir, but simple moonshine. Soon dad arrived, yellow with a long beard and lice. They want to close our library again, because... no firewood. We suggested dismantling Shvambrania (Eel's house) for firewood. This is how our country disappeared.

Pokrov was renamed the city of Engels. I was recently in Engels to congratulate Oska the father: his daughter was born. Oska still confuses words. We read to everyone about Shvambrania, remembering our childhood. Everything has changed in the city. Even in Schwambrania this was not the case.